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All right, so I'm working on this derivative play I'm codenaming Project Chimera. Sometimes, I run dry, and that's when I either work on the backstory of one of the bit characters (which is like the story of the main character chopped up, sent through several alternate universes, and reattached in the wrong order), or I do trivial crap like, say, deciding what each character most likes to drink.

Our Leading Man: In a pinch, he'll drink anything that won't actually kill him, but he's acquired a particular fondness for applejack.

The Pure Love Interest: A fervent teetotaler, but not an evangelical one. Partial to honey.

The Conspiratorial Love Interest: Good wines that won't break the bank, preferably sweet and white.

The Amalgam Character I Wish I Didn't Have To Write: Hard egg nog, year-round, with liquor and spices varying to keep things interesting. It soothes his nerves.

The Amalgam Character Any Sane Person Would Write: Tea, if asked, but for her, drinks are just something you put by the meals she does all the actual work on.

The Romantic Rival: Whiskey. Gets you as drunk as gin, but with more of a body.

The Earnest Reporter: Coffee. It's invigorating. He also likes brandy for special occasions, because I hate myself.

The Corrupt Reporter: The most expensive thing on the menu, if there's a good place around and people to impress. Nothing in the play really qualifies.

The Dedicated Reporter: I think that he's the type who gets dead-set on something and puts bodily needs on low priority.

The Defiant Cusser: Boiled water, usually. As long as he produces it himself.

The Meek One: Tea. She grows lemon tea in one of the windows, when it's seasonal.

The Wet Blanket: He'll have what they're having.

The Perpetual Frosh: He will also have what they're having. This is usually rotgut.

The Unsubtle Villain: Beer. I think he likes lager over ale. But anyway, deep down, he sees himself as a Beer Street guy.

The Subtle Villain: Variety is the spice of life and she loves to go for the exotic, but either she takes it at one of her son's innocuous parties, or she keeps the ingredients in her personal, well-secured stores.

The Secretary: Black Indian tea, with a skosh of plum brandy.

The Gentleman Adventurer: I think he's a four o'clock tea man.

The Not-Gratuitous Shout-Out Characters And Company: They do a lot of traveling on a regular basis, and have hardened stomachs accordingly, but the clearest not-gratuitous shout-out character in my head - who might end up being the only one, and I'll aim for that - likes bourbon. I don't want to think too deeply about them until I've made some headway into that amalgam character I hate.

The Astute Provincial: Earl Grey. Just as foul-tasting as coffee, but more focused.

The Ignorant Blusterer and the Informed Blusterer: They like to stay sober. Other than that, they're not too fussy.

Why, yes, I will be targeting this toward high school theatres (because I know a really good one in the area), and no, those three reporters and two love interests can't be the same person. The blusterers might, but I like how I characterized the ignorant one and he's the one that'll have to go, so I'll only drop him if I have to.


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January 2012



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